Bad Influence

I really dont think I should be around people, I find Im leading them down the path I've taken. Which is the last thing I want anyone to do. I know it may not seem that bad, but you havent heard half of it. You have no idea what I have been threw, and you never really will. You cant understand it, less you do it. And you'll never know, so theres really no point caring on with what Im saying.

Just put it this way, if I wasnt so twisted in the head to be able to handle the things I've done and seen I'd be in a mental institution. Which sometimes I think I just should be there. But instead of it, I just barly eat, sleep, and just try and kill off all the energy in me so I dont have to think. Insomnia and night terror just gets annyoning. Look it up. Its fucked.

If someone else had to relive everything I've done, I dont think they'd be able to do it. They'd say to much and get themselfs killed. They wouldnt be able to hold the thoughts and images down. Unable to block it all out would just drive the person insane.

I just dont know how to deal with anything without being looked at a bad point of view. Even though alot of people may also do it, you know you can do better. But just dont know how too, all you have had was people yelling at you for years saying how bad it is for you, but how can you really know. You havent seen anyone else go threw it, you'd have to watch them everyday to really see it.

I know half the shit I've done in my life is pretty damn stupid, things that could have gotten me killed or into alot of trouble. But no one has been there to show me what would happen if I did it. I need to see it, not just hear it. Theres so many things in my life I wish I have never done or started. I guess I need more help then I think. But its me that has to help myself.

I wish I was a better person to be looked uponed. I wanna be there for you, I try to but everyone looks at it like Im just making it worse. Maybe there right in a way, but I could be alot worse. For you I'll try and get better, or just not do it around you/talk about it. Im trying to be, what your dying to see.