I Try So Hard

I know I've made alot of bad choices in the past. And no matter what, you'll throw them back at me. Everything I do, of every minute of the day I try and do something good for you, just to make you happy. But I cant, you just dont trust me. It feels that way for me. It feels like I cant do anything right. It puts me down so bad.

You cant hear me crying right now, writing this. You'll probably never think this is even for you. Im gonna end up crying the whole night. I hate crying. Makes me feel like shit. Im gonna be up the whole night wishing to die, and saying I cant do this anymore. I wanna run, but that doesnt solve anything does it. I can barly breath.

And I have a secret you dont know about, something that might make you turn your head. Havent you never noticed the scars on my rists?

You've been more of a father to me then my own. Well cause I never see him. Without you, we would still be living in that house with haunting memorys. I would still be drinking my guts out everyday and end up doing every hard drug out there.

I'd probably be dead by now. Found by my own mother coming home from working overtime. Cause no one was ever home for me. I never really knew were my brother was. But everyone did there own thing to kill the pain we didnt want to face.

I faced it, but no one wanted to hear the truth. So I was alone, and I turned to the bottle. No one was there, no one would notice. They never did, till I was laying there half dead....

You've done alot for me, yes. But I feel so punished for something so little. I know I was told better. Im a teenage, Im not perfect. But you dont understand how hard I try to make you happy. I try to make money, and keep my grades up.

Im just so angry inside, I hate it. I always will be, my past is stuck there, in anger. Why do I feel like theres something wrong with me? This rips me up inside so badly. Why cant I make you happy? Why do I hate myself so much?

When I came home tonight, you didn't even say one word too me, didnt even look at me. Just through me, like everyone else. I just wanna be good.

I've had so much on my mind latly, I dont even know what to do with myself. I push myself everyday. Im living behide a mask. Im sorry..