As the years pass by, I watch myself die. Watch myself suffer, make the wrong choise's and fuck it all up. Its just I dont care. I dont care about what I do or how I live. I used too, but not now. I wanna change. I could try and make things better, but Im used to feeling this much pain. But really, whats the point. I know im gonna end up slipping and back here. Nothing good can really last for me. Someone ends up pushing me. I dont understand. I'll just try to keep myself alive as long as I can. I just cant die, someone wont let me.
People think they know what Im going through. They might have an idea, but they will never fully understand or know. They'll never be able to feel how much pain I've felt inside and out. Sometimes I cant get through a day without screaming or yelling. I dont know why but I like hurting myself, its just a way to get the pain inside out. To much stress and depression, held in me. To many emotions to handle. Will I ever be happy again like I used too? When was the last time I was happy for a long time? Never?
No one will never understand me, cause they have no idea what runs through my head. I have a spilt personality for starters and bi-polar. My head is messed. And im crazy. People have no idea how dangers I can be. Why I have to walk away from some people, is cause If I dont. I'll blackout and kill them.
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