Whats the point?
All we do is live day by day
Hoping tomorrow will be better then it was today
We're only living to die
Then just dying to live
Wishing you could have done better
And fixing all your mistakes
And having to live with all your regrets
Wishing to forget
Whats the point?
Whats the point anymore...you have to work hard at anything you want. Nothing ever comes easy. Life is all a test.
Life is tough, but we all get by one way or another
The point is to make the best out of everything that is thrown at us, and to deal with it head on.
Know you did it for yourself and worked hard for it and desivered all of it. Just to be happy.
Cause thats just how things are. You have to so you dont die knowing you lived a shitty life, and didnt do a thing about it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Dear Dad..
Its been months since I last spoke with you. Last time we saw each other it was May, and well just say we left it off bad. Some days I do miss you, but then I just think back to how stressed you got me. It just feels weird now to even talk to you. I feel nothing between us now. Im just so used to you being gone.
You feel like a stranger to me, but one with a past. I swear I could talk to a complete stranger better then I can with you. Sad part is, its true. I dont even know where to start or how to talk to you.
I know you miss me, but you still dont understand how badly you hurt me. Or fucked me up. Cant see why I do all the drugs and drank my life away? You cant see that your the reason I did all that? Even if you do see it, you cant take the blame. How do I explane it in a nice way? Without hurting you as much as you hurt me.
Even though you killed me in a way, your still my dad. But never think I was daddys little girl. I've been left alone for so long, Im scared cause of you. Its your fault, stop blaming others.
You feel like a stranger to me, but one with a past. I swear I could talk to a complete stranger better then I can with you. Sad part is, its true. I dont even know where to start or how to talk to you.
I know you miss me, but you still dont understand how badly you hurt me. Or fucked me up. Cant see why I do all the drugs and drank my life away? You cant see that your the reason I did all that? Even if you do see it, you cant take the blame. How do I explane it in a nice way? Without hurting you as much as you hurt me.
Even though you killed me in a way, your still my dad. But never think I was daddys little girl. I've been left alone for so long, Im scared cause of you. Its your fault, stop blaming others.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Emotion Poems
Emotions, we all do fear,
For they are always dear.
But we must be brave,
So they wont bring us to our grave.
Can't sleep, way to hot,
So many thought pounding my head.
To many feelings.
Emotions call all be very confusing,
but they can be amusing.
Which can lead to being abusing.
For they are always dear.
But we must be brave,
So they wont bring us to our grave.
Can't sleep, way to hot,
So many thought pounding my head.
To many feelings.
Emotions call all be very confusing,
but they can be amusing.
Which can lead to being abusing.
I Try So Hard
I know I've made alot of bad choices in the past. And no matter what, you'll throw them back at me. Everything I do, of every minute of the day I try and do something good for you, just to make you happy. But I cant, you just dont trust me. It feels that way for me. It feels like I cant do anything right. It puts me down so bad.
You cant hear me crying right now, writing this. You'll probably never think this is even for you. Im gonna end up crying the whole night. I hate crying. Makes me feel like shit. Im gonna be up the whole night wishing to die, and saying I cant do this anymore. I wanna run, but that doesnt solve anything does it. I can barly breath.
And I have a secret you dont know about, something that might make you turn your head. Havent you never noticed the scars on my rists?
You've been more of a father to me then my own. Well cause I never see him. Without you, we would still be living in that house with haunting memorys. I would still be drinking my guts out everyday and end up doing every hard drug out there.
I'd probably be dead by now. Found by my own mother coming home from working overtime. Cause no one was ever home for me. I never really knew were my brother was. But everyone did there own thing to kill the pain we didnt want to face.
I faced it, but no one wanted to hear the truth. So I was alone, and I turned to the bottle. No one was there, no one would notice. They never did, till I was laying there half dead....
You've done alot for me, yes. But I feel so punished for something so little. I know I was told better. Im a teenage, Im not perfect. But you dont understand how hard I try to make you happy. I try to make money, and keep my grades up.
Im just so angry inside, I hate it. I always will be, my past is stuck there, in anger. Why do I feel like theres something wrong with me? This rips me up inside so badly. Why cant I make you happy? Why do I hate myself so much?
When I came home tonight, you didn't even say one word too me, didnt even look at me. Just through me, like everyone else. I just wanna be good.
I've had so much on my mind latly, I dont even know what to do with myself. I push myself everyday. Im living behide a mask. Im sorry..
You cant hear me crying right now, writing this. You'll probably never think this is even for you. Im gonna end up crying the whole night. I hate crying. Makes me feel like shit. Im gonna be up the whole night wishing to die, and saying I cant do this anymore. I wanna run, but that doesnt solve anything does it. I can barly breath.
And I have a secret you dont know about, something that might make you turn your head. Havent you never noticed the scars on my rists?
You've been more of a father to me then my own. Well cause I never see him. Without you, we would still be living in that house with haunting memorys. I would still be drinking my guts out everyday and end up doing every hard drug out there.
I'd probably be dead by now. Found by my own mother coming home from working overtime. Cause no one was ever home for me. I never really knew were my brother was. But everyone did there own thing to kill the pain we didnt want to face.
I faced it, but no one wanted to hear the truth. So I was alone, and I turned to the bottle. No one was there, no one would notice. They never did, till I was laying there half dead....
You've done alot for me, yes. But I feel so punished for something so little. I know I was told better. Im a teenage, Im not perfect. But you dont understand how hard I try to make you happy. I try to make money, and keep my grades up.
Im just so angry inside, I hate it. I always will be, my past is stuck there, in anger. Why do I feel like theres something wrong with me? This rips me up inside so badly. Why cant I make you happy? Why do I hate myself so much?
When I came home tonight, you didn't even say one word too me, didnt even look at me. Just through me, like everyone else. I just wanna be good.
I've had so much on my mind latly, I dont even know what to do with myself. I push myself everyday. Im living behide a mask. Im sorry..
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
That Fix
First I just wanted it
Couldn't wait till that next fix
Anytime I could, I would take it
Now I need it
Its what I've been known to believe
I know I dont really need it
Its all in your head
Its just another habit
Ready to break
But how can you do that
When its the only thing you've ever known
Couldn't wait till that next fix
Anytime I could, I would take it
Now I need it
Its what I've been known to believe
I know I dont really need it
Its all in your head
Its just another habit
Ready to break
But how can you do that
When its the only thing you've ever known
Im A Fuck Up..& You Are?
I really dont understand how people can deal with me. How can they? When first of all I am is just some crazy bitch who comes out of know where and is just being seen everywhere. And judge how I am. Well they have no idea whats going on in my head, do they now?
What can people really see in me? When all I do is fuck up. Ever since I fucked up my own life, I just fuck up everyone else's. Maybe Im just not ment to be, like I feel as if Im half dead walking this world alone. I dont know if I should still be alive. I've been so close to death so many times. But I just wont die! Some days I just wish I never woke up, and pray that I dont have to go through another day.
I just want to drink this wasted life away. I tired to before, but that failed too. More like three times I did. What the hell is wrong with me? Do I just not belong? So I hide away from everyone. Maybe its the best thing to do. Is just to leave me alone.
No one understands me, and no one ever will. I just have to many damn issuses to deal with, and more come eachday.All people do is use and turn around and walk out on me. Its hard to believe when people say they'll be there for me. I know I will for you, as long as you dont push me away. I will never let go of you. Im the type of person that will put my whole life on hold just to help you back up on your feet again.
Its only up to the other person to let go. I wont fully till they do. I will always be there for you. I could care else about myself. What can you see buried inside of me.
How can someone understand me, when I dont even fully understand myself. I fight myself everyday, but you would never know it. I make no sence to myself.
What can people really see in me? When all I do is fuck up. Ever since I fucked up my own life, I just fuck up everyone else's. Maybe Im just not ment to be, like I feel as if Im half dead walking this world alone. I dont know if I should still be alive. I've been so close to death so many times. But I just wont die! Some days I just wish I never woke up, and pray that I dont have to go through another day.
I just want to drink this wasted life away. I tired to before, but that failed too. More like three times I did. What the hell is wrong with me? Do I just not belong? So I hide away from everyone. Maybe its the best thing to do. Is just to leave me alone.
No one understands me, and no one ever will. I just have to many damn issuses to deal with, and more come eachday.All people do is use and turn around and walk out on me. Its hard to believe when people say they'll be there for me. I know I will for you, as long as you dont push me away. I will never let go of you. Im the type of person that will put my whole life on hold just to help you back up on your feet again.
Its only up to the other person to let go. I wont fully till they do. I will always be there for you. I could care else about myself. What can you see buried inside of me.
How can someone understand me, when I dont even fully understand myself. I fight myself everyday, but you would never know it. I make no sence to myself.
Unwanted
Un-needed
Forgotten
Gone
You Say It
You Main Mean It
But I Dont Feel It
Im Here
Your There
Cant Work Like It Used To Be
Wish I Was There
Or An Inbetween
Get A Fix
Slit My Rist's
This Is What Works For Me
I Hate This Feeling
Like Im Here, But Im Not
Like Someone Cares
But I Know They Dont
Like I Belong Somewhere Else,
Anywhere But Here
And Escape Lies Just Past
I try so hard to make
You Happy
But it all just fades away
No matter what I say!
Forgotten
Gone
You Say It
You Main Mean It
But I Dont Feel It
Im Here
Your There
Cant Work Like It Used To Be
Wish I Was There
Or An Inbetween
Get A Fix
Slit My Rist's
This Is What Works For Me
I Hate This Feeling
Like Im Here, But Im Not
Like Someone Cares
But I Know They Dont
Like I Belong Somewhere Else,
Anywhere But Here
And Escape Lies Just Past
I try so hard to make
You Happy
But it all just fades away
No matter what I say!
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