That I have really does suck.
Some of you might be able to relate to this.
Its just a random wave of depression that washes over you.
Or hits you like a stupid city bus.
And if your alone its just 10x worse.
Plus nothing can help it.
Nothing but time.
Which also sucks.
But all your options rush to your head with how to get rid of it.
All your bad habits scream out to you.
And half of you is yelling at you "YES DO IT"
So everything at once is racing threw your head non stop.
Then your depression turns into anger.
Plus a bad headache.
Half of you doesnt allow you to think or talk.
The yelling and screaming just keeps on going.
And you know the only way for it to stop is if you do it.
But if you do it, it will get stronger then you.
And keep coming back.
Those damn bad habits.
That cut that will leave a scar.
The drink that turns into 4 then a few more.
Or those few hits that make you fly, always make you do a faceplant at the end.
I live with scars all over my body.
I can never get drunk anymore with the amount I used to be fine with.
And I freak out and get moody with my crashes.
But why do I still want it?
Living in the moment is why. Its the best feeling when your there, its just afterward you want to die. Live in the moment, live free, get new habbits, drink less, make the cuts less deep, slowly you will see. That its not worth it in the end. And if your anything like me (which i hope you are not) Than you'll do it anyway, and wont take advice from someone like me, someone who dose the same thing, and wont listen to herself.
ReplyDeleteSee the darkness, look for light. You cant find it, its not there. Give up, jump off a bridge. The lake might not kill you, but the cold will.
Take it, dont take it. I dont listen to me, you dont have to either.
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