I feel as if I keep getting worse. I know I was bad before, but I can feel myself dragging myself back to the ground. Like Im slipping again. I never feel like Im all there. Somethings missing. I dont want to do anything. I dont know what I wanna do with my life, it feels like I shouldnt be here. Like my time has past. I just feel so outta place where ever I go. I always turn to the bottle with my mistake's. But after I just get all depressed again. Theres no ending this. Lost inside this head no one will ever understand.
I keep dreaming im getting into stupid shit and doing alot of hard drugs. Does that mean something? And I keep having that "oh shit, I failed again.." with everyone shaking there heads at me. I wanna try, and do better. But its hard when you just hate everything. I dont understand what set me off to be like this. You cant change a person if they've been like this all there life, its always gonna come along with them.
I just get so angry now, and so fast. I'll get pissed off at stupid small ass things that I dont even care about. But I guess I really do inside. I guess Kats had enough of being pushed around and told what to do. Or I'll be sitting there, and I'll end up getting lost in my own head. Hearing Kat talk and saying shit.. I dont even know what shes saying half the time.
Now I'll start to black out, my hearing and vison will start to fade. I can still feel myself able to move. But I'll freak out, not knowing what to do. Im scared that one day I will fully black out, and something will happen. I dont know what shes gonna do. I dont wanna be lost and gone forever...
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