Half the time it feels like everyone is after me, trying to hurt me. But I know there just trying to help me, but I keep pushing away. I always think its better for no one to know about me, like things would be better. Might be true though. I've noticed that ever since that blade got to me again, I've been keeping alot more inside. I know I havent been talking much about some shit inside. Some thats been locked up in there for years. Maybe somethings are better not to be shared. But I know I should say it.
My head is fucked, I dont understand how I got this way. I have an idea of how I got this way, but guess I wont really know. Maybe it just runs threw my family? I can believe that, cause everyone who knows mum and my bro, they can see something in us is a little outta wack. Really bad memory loss for sure.
People say I may be a bit scitzo, the see signs of it, if its just me and them. Im more my hiden self around alot of people I know, but if I dont know anyone and its just me. Then I just let go and let her out. Hint, why I shouldnt be left alone. Im always testing other people that I dont know, seeing who can/cant handle the other side of me.
Im also very "hot and cold" all the time, they say. Very fast at switching between that too. Its hard to stay in between that, if I am, I feel numb. I get "highs" when Im really happy and jump around. But when im depressed Im stuck in the deep blue. Bi-polar does run in my family on mums side. Holy shit, more I think about this, I think I am...
But what can I do?
No comments:
Post a Comment