The Words Just Keep Coming Out

I lay there listening to my breathing, barly anything going in and out. Heart beat is fading. Not daring to close my eyes, to many dark memorys flooding back. Drowning in all my hopes, now lost. Gone forever, lost in my own head. Trapped, unknowing of where to go, who to trust. How can I trust, believe, and have hope, when I have non in me. Cause I know if I get my hopes up, they'll just end up getting crushed again. I feel numb half the time, most of the time my old life seemed more like a dream than anything real. I just dont wanna think anymore. I dont want to miss anybody or anything.

I know that if you pretend something isnt happening then you dont have to do anything about it. People are pretty good at ignoring what they dont want to believe is going on. Or what they dont wanna see. Havent you noticed that people have to make themselfs believe that the things that they do work to help them. They have to trick themselfs into believing it works, talking about it wont change anything. But it will help at that time. But you have to act to get ride of it, actions speak louder then words.

Nobody chases there dreams anymore, they chase there memorys. But it wouldnt be a dream if it wasnt out of reach. Following their past, trying to fix it, even though they know it never will be like how it used to be. Yet we still try. If we all just decided on whats best for ourselfs, and didnt have to worry about how it would affect anybody else. Dont you think it would be easier that way? You know you sit around hoping for things you cant have, and try to grab on to some ghost that was part of your life. Why do we do it?

Havent you just looked at everyone else then looked at yourself and asked, why do they need me here? And havent you wanted to do something to help someone, but you can barly help yourself. So used to always taking the fall, having the blame and feeling all the pain. Being guilt tripped into so many things that you dont know right from wrong anymore. "Look at yourself and tell me that you do like what you see. That would be a lie, wouldnt it?"

Im still holding onto what used to be, what could have been. Cause you'll always walk away from me, again and again. And as soon as you come back home to me, you leave before I get to know you again, and now your gone for who knows how long.. Im scared its going to be forever.

Two Random Poems

Cut me down
Cut me up
Watch me bleed
Watch me die
See how I go numb
See how the pain has already been done

Throw me to the ground
Beat me
Rape me
Kill me
I dont care
I'll fight till every drop of blood is gone
Im not going anywhere
Till you're dead and gone with me